Right this meme thing

I think it is called a meme anyway? Who knows, but a chance to learn some random facts about me.

Bold is for done, italics is for “Would like to do.”

1. Started my own blog - Clearly
2. Slept under the stars - I have slept in the back garden, but without a tent with several friends. Somehow it doesn't seem to count as the wilds, but nder the stars anyway. Oh and on a friends balcony once too I think.
3. Played in a band – Several church bands and a couple at school too.
4. Visited Hawaii - Nope, and although I'm sure it is nice, not top of my list of places to visit
5. Watched a meteor shower - No
6. Given more than I can afford to charity - It depends what you define as can afford, they definitely needed it more then me though.
7. Been to Disneyland/world - No, and no thank you
8. Climbed a mountain - This was how I often spent a sunday afternoon as a teenager, presuming you count Kinder as a mountain. It isn't exactly huge though.
9. Held a praying mantis - nope
10. Sung a solo – I have, but it isn't my greatest talent
11. Bungee jumped – no, although my Dad and Grandad have.
12. Visited Paris - No, and although I wouldn't mind, again it isn't high up my list.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea - Not that I remember, but would love to take some pictures of one, as long as I wasn't on the sea at the time!
14. Taught myself an art from scratch - Yep, most things I just play and hope for the best
15. Adopted a child - Not yet, but hopefully will do one day
16. Had food poisoning - Not that I remember
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty - Never even been to America
18. Grown my own vegetables - I have, put the pesky slugs seem to get a lot of them, or the stupid cats from next door.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France - Nope
20. Slept on an overnight train - I haven't, but would love to take DH on a steam strain holiday thing as he would absolutely love it.
21. Had a pillow fight - Probably
22. Hitchhiked - I have, but only once and only a short distance
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - No
24. Built a snow fort - I remember trying at primary school once, but it got kicked down in the night, and it is very rare we get enough snow.
25. Held a lamb - I have, and also a piglet. The piglets were more memorable
26. Gone skinny dipping - I like the idea, not sure if I would though.
27. Run a marathon - I'm more of a sprinter
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice - No
29. Seen a total eclipse - I would lose my special abilities during a total eclipse. Seen a very near total, but not an actual total.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset - All the time, I love them
31. Hit a home run - Does it count if done on the wii?
32. Been on a cruise - No
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person - No, I think I would be more tempted by Victoria
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors - Yes, not far away at all, a lot of family still live in that area.
35. Seen an Amish community - No
36. Taught myself a new language - No, I'd like to learn more, but not necessarily teach myself
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied – I have been satisfied with less money then I have now, it isn't the money that makes satisfaction
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person - would like to, but never made it that far when in that part of the world.
39. Gone rock climbing - Yes, indoor and outdoor
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David - I'll say yes, but it was actually the replica from the 1800s as couldn't be bothered with huge queues to see origional when there was so much else to cram in.
41. Sung karaoke – No and don't want to!
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt- no
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant - no
44. Visited Africa - Would love to, but would not want to come home afterwards
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight - I have, but not in a romantic way, just one of those thing we did as a child
46. Been transported in an ambulance - No
47. Had my portrait painted - Only at school
48. Gone deep sea fishing - No
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person - No, but I do love that sort of thing.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris - No
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling - I'm a terible swimmer
52. Kissed in the rain - Little option in England
53. Played in the mud - Of course
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre - I don't know if there are any in England, the weather really isn't up to it.
55. Been in a movie - Not unless strange home videos with friends count.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China Would be interesting
57. Started a business - no
58. Taken a martial arts class - No
59. Visited Russia - No but would like to
60. Served at a soup kitchen - Yes
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies – No
62. Gone whale watching - No
63. Got flowers for no reason - My Dh doesn't even do flowers for a reason, never mind for no reason!
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma - I have done, but can't any more.
65. Gone sky diving - no
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp - Not sure I would want to.
67. Bounced a check - No
68. Flown in a helicopter - no
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy - I still have a few, although there is one I have considered getting rid of as not from the most happy time of my life.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial - No
71. Eaten caviar - No
72. Pieced a quilt - No
73. Stood in Times Square - No
74. Toured the Everglades - No
75. Been fired from a job - No
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London - No
77. Broken a bone - My wrist, and possibly my toe
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle - no, I dislike speeding
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person - No
80. Published a book - No
81. Visited the Vatican - No
82. Bought a brand new car _ No
83. Walked in Jerusalem - I would love to do this
84. Had my picture in the newspaper - yes for varying bits at school
85. Read the entire Bible - Probably but not all in one go
86. Visited the White House - No
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating - No although I wouldn't mind too much if I had to.
88. Had chickenpox - Yes
89. Saved someone’s life - Not that I know of!
90. Sat on a jury - No and it really doesn't appeal
91. Met someone famous - Vaguely, plus it depends on your definition of famous.
92. Joined a book club - No
93. Lost a loved one - Yes
94. Had a baby - Not yet
95. Seen the Alamo in person - No
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake - No
97. Been involved in a law suit – No
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee - Not the most pleasant experience.

Right I think I'm supposed to tag a few people now, but I shall just leave it that if you want to join in then feel free.

A quick rant

I've been tagged by the lovely Dr spouse which I will do as a proper post later when I have a little more time, I will also put a little knitting update in, it seems to be going well so far but I am doing the simple bit at the moment. However for now while I have a quick 5 minutes I just want to say this.

NO YOU CAN NOT CALL YOUR BABY ARTHUR IF IT IS A BOY!! My brother told me last night that he has that down as one of his top few names if their baby in April is a boy. I don't mind if people in general call their babies Arthur, it is a fab name, but we lost our Arthur so therefore I don't want a nephew Arthur. I seriously hope they have a girl, I think they will have a girl anyway, but even if not, then find a different name!

Positivity and fear

How do you discuss your potential problems without focussing on them too much and allowing them to become fear? Since getting pregnant I have avoided the Uterine/mullerian anomaly sites. The very places I found so useful and got so much of my knowledge are not now places I want to be reading. I think my problem is that I already know there are a lot of extra risks, reading more about them will not help me at this point. More then that though, the very nature of these sites means that often the people that post there and use them are the people who are having difficulties or problems. When everything is going perfectly smoothly I guess people don't go out of their way to find places like that. It is often those for who things aren't going so smoothly who the need to find people in a similar position to talk to this about have a dodgy Uterus and all that can entail.

I don't really tend to talk about the problems a completely bicollis uterus can cause, I don't want to focus on that, I want to focus on having a healthy baby. I know that God is bigger then all the potential problems so I just have to trust him, I will try and stay positive, but sometimes it would be nice to talk about it. I don't want to worry hubby, and I think most people genuinely don't really understand what having a double uterus can mean. The one couple who I feel I can talk to openly and actually understand about this aren't really around, it would just be nice to have them back.

Anyway I have started making this for baby. i thought it was so cool! I'm making it in 3-6 months though as not only will it give me time as I'm dreadful at completing any knitting, also bubs is due in summer. That is presuming it is actually warm next year. Started yesterday so only just begun. I'll keep updating

12+6

It may not seem like a significant date in the pregnancy to most people, but today I am 12+6. Last time I should have been 12+6 I was in hospital having an erpc, so today seems significant and another milestone passed. Everything is very different this time, everything is just as it should be. I wish time would hurry up a bit though! It's another of those strange days though, not quite sure what to think about it, all I know is every day passed, whether a significant one or not, is a day closer to meeting my baby.

As a complete aside, today's random fact of the day is this. Apparently pigs have a bicornuate uterus as a matter of course. Hmm quite what you are going to do with that gem of information I don't know. Quite what that insinuates abut me I don't know either!!!

The new.

This weekend had a couple of firsts for me, one known and one unknown.

I'll start with the known. This weekend was my first time playing the bass guitar for our worship team at church. It's something that has been in the pipeline for a little while, I bought and started learning the bass in summer in preparation for my takeover as bassist, but the first one I was still a bit apprehensive about. It mainly went well though. By the end my concentration had gone a bit and I was making silly mistakes on the song I knew best, but most of the time it went really well which I thank God for.

The second first is a bit more complex. When my mum was a child her parents separated. She stayed living with her mum and lost contact with her Dad. So when we were all born and grew up we only ever knew our Grandma on mum's side, not Grandad. A couple of years ago said Grandad died, and my mum and uncle went to his funeral, therefore getting back in touch with a large part of the family that hadn't been in contact with for over 30 years. Until Sunday i hadn't met any of them at all, until my uncle comes and taps me on the shoulder and tells me he wants to introduce me to someone. It was this most surreal feeling of meeting someone you don't know at all, who isn't part of your life and isn't really even a close relative, but is a part of the family that you have never met... Can only imagine how strange it must be to meet a close relative that you have never seen, must be so surreal.

Hmm this post is a bit rambly and not a huge point to it all, just a get out a small bit of what I'm thinking really.

Oh, and 12 weeks tomorrow!!!! Still a long way to go though, it seems like ages!

Art exhibition photos

Here are a few as we were setting up, and one of the little cafe area too that we had running when the exhibition was open. Not the greatest detail, but you get the general idea anyway. Please note though remind me not to do this again in the first trimester of pregnancy when I have a rotten cold to go with it. I was absolutely shattered, but was a really good day.

Introducing.....

So had my scan yesterday, and it was so amazing to see our little one dancing about on the screen! There was a trainee scanning first and she had me really worried when she started. She just sat there for ages, not saying a word, and looking concerned at the screen. In the end I asked her if everything was ok as I was really starting to feel like something was wrong for her to be silent for so long. Turns out she was just struggling getting measurements as baby was curled up in ball, but she could of said something sooner!

Then the proper sonographer took over and showed us our little one, who was now dancing all over the place. It was so amazing to see! So was 10+5 yesterday by their measurements, giving me the exact due date I had worked on anyway of the 17th June. Still a long way to go, but over a quarter of the way there now!!

Exhibition - done!

Just a very quick update. Had the art exhibition yesterday and it went really well. I had hope that a few more people that I know would have a come, but it was still really good and quite a few friends came which was really nice, including some relatives who came quite a way. Raised quite a bit of money which is great and it was just a lovely atmosphere.

I'll post some pictures as soon as I get them on the computer, and hopefully I'll have another picture to post too as tomorrow afternoon is my scan!

Right paintings as promised

Right firstly my ongoing toadstool. I feel like I have reached a block with this. It looks to flat, I'm not hugely happy with it, but I'm not entirely sure what to do with it. Most probably will not go in exhibition as I feel not up to scratch.

Just started this one, not much to see at the moment, but will be a red flower when finished



Thirdly and different again is this. Will be the background for some vaguely geometric abstractish piece, not sure what, but will have a play later.

As for midwifes appointment on friday that went fine. She couldn't give me an actual date though for my scan as they have changed the system so she could no longer do it online. I should get a letter through in the next couple of days anyway letting me know about my scan. She also said the people on my road were keeping her busy at the moment! I know a couple have recently had babies, one she let slip was pregnant last time I was pregnant, but I wonder if there are any more I don't know about? I don't really know any of the neighbours anyway, just being nosey really.

As for life i general we went to a wedding in London this weekend. It was a lovely weekend, stayed with a really generous friend down that way, and was good to catch up with a few people too. Have come back absolutely shattered and fighting a horrid cold, but aside from that all good. Now must get painting!

Back again

I know I have been quiet the past couple of weeks or so, but all is well here. We had a week in Northumberland which was lovely, and beyond that I just seem to be sleeping, a LOT! Which I guess is a good thing, aside from the fact I need to sort out for this art exhibition which is just over a week away, but instead all I seem to be doing is sleeping. I really need to get my bum in gear and do some more!

As for the photo competitions I came 3rd last month with my toadstool which I'm really pleased about. My painting of said toadstool is nearlly finished too so shall have to post some more pictures of that. This months theme is simply colour. People have posted some good pictures so far, but I don't really seem to have the motivation. Hopefully will start to get some energy back soon.

Anyway off to see the midwife this morning and hopefully make an appointment for my scan. I shall update later, hopefully with some pictures of my art too.

Heartbeat!

And no, not the sunday night tv including Nick Berry!

Had my early scan this morning, baby in the right hand uterus, measuring about 6 weeks as expected, all looks well, and we saw the little heartbeat!I'm so so happy.
I'm off to book to see my midwife now!

Yay!!!

Only a few days to go

Not long now until my scan, it seems like I have been pregnant for ages though, not that I'm not even quite at 6 weeks yet. Don't know why it seems to be going so slowly. I could just do with sleeping away the time between now and friday, I feel so tired. I think with that and the hormones I'm a bit everywhere at the moment. I feel positive most the time though, just got to keep on praying and trusting that things will be better this time

Anyway the painting. A while ago I posted 3 canvases that I had just painted the back of. This is them now, and actually my boss wants to buy them for her dining room wall which is great

Here is my next work in progress. It is only just started really and needs a lot doing yet, but you get the idea


I actually went to another local art exhibition this weekend to have a see how they do these things. I got some good ideas of what to do and what not to do, and how best to present all the pictures. I also got a sneaky idea for some simple but effective paintings although that wasn't my intention. Only just over a month now until exhibiton time, and with the tiredness I'm really going to have to get myself motivated!

I suppose I should change my tagline

PHOTOGRAPHY, CRAFTY THINGS, TTC WITH A DOUBLE UTERUS AND LIFE IN GENERAL is no longer an appropriate tagline for this blog. It should now be changed to PHOTOGRAPHY, CRAFTY THINGS, PREGNANCY WITH A DOUBLE UTERUS AND LIFE IN GENERAL

Got my bfp to my total shock just over a week ago! I really wasn't expecting one quite so soon, although obviously very very pleased about it! After it taking over 10 months last time, I really wasn't holding my breath for a bfp first month back trying after my MRi. I'm so very very happy!

Anyway I'm sure at least half of you reading this already know, but my Edd is 17th June. I have an early scan next Friday at just over 6 weeks. They should hopefully be able to see which Uterus he or she is in and see a little heartbeat. Just a case of waiting and praying until then.

WOOHOO!!!

Stormy skies

Maybe it's just me, but I think the sky is amazing at times.

Pregnancy Radar

Does anyone else have this? This knowledge that someone else is pregnant even though you haven't been told and there is not even always a logical explanation as to why you think it? I know it can't be just me that has this, I know one of my friends (R) does too, but it can be shockingly accurate a lot of the time, even if not 100% of the time

In august I realised a friends wife was pregnant before they had realised themselves, in hindsight I now know she must of been about 9 weeks at the time. The past couple of weeks I have had strong suspicions about another friend, speaking to my friend(R) on sunday she said she had the exact same suspicions. Said suspicions have been pretty much confirmed today.

So what is it that makes this happen, is it hormones given off we pick up on, is it just very slight hints in conversations, is it something deeper then that? Who knows? I do remember the very first time it happened though. I was a teenager and I knew that a particular woman was pregnant, and then I knew she had a miscarriage, but it wasn't until years later that I found out that this was actually true. There were possible slight hints at the time, but nothing at all definite.

Makes you wonder how many people do know? And was I always wrong the few times I thought someone was pregnant and they weren't? I wonder how many people guessed about me earlier this year, especially as I felt I was showing quite a bit by the time I miscarried?

Hmm I'll just sit here and ponder on...

October photo challenge

This months theme is Autumn, so here are my photos so far. These are just from the garden, will have to think of some more autumn themes too, but so far I definitely like the mushroom/toadstool ones best. Saying that what is the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?? I am hoping to get some sparklers and try having a play with them one night for some photos anyway. Not really sure what else, maybe make some treacle toffee or parkin or something with squashes? I want to avoid the halloween aspect really, and I don't think I want to do the whole leaf pictures thing as want to try other things. I think it is time to google autumn.

Volunteer work

I went for my volunteer work interview on wednesday, so very soon I shall be an official hospital volunteer. They already had my application form and had got my references, so now I just need to fill in a crb form and a medical form(which I will come back to later) and then I shall be starting.

Anyway she went through a big load of jobs that I could do, from the chaplaincy that I had originally applied for, ward work, admin type work, helping with the mobility scooters, helping in the renal department, being a clinic hostess and some other things that I can't really remember now. Anyway, I have signed up to do a few hours one day a week with the chaplaincy team. I'll sort of be like a go between for the patients and the chaplains, and take people to the prayer room and services etc. The other thing I have signed up for is to help one day each week in the mammogram/breast care clinic. I'm a little bit nervous about it, I've got a vague idea of what I'll be doing, I think a lot of it will be brewing up and keeping people company, but won't really know what it's going to be like and what I'll do until I start. In one sense the ward work would have been easier as it is something I have done before, but there was something about this that just felt right for me to do.

As for the medical form, it's got a lot of detail that it wants to know! I know I'll be working in a hospital so potentially you can come into contact with all sorts of people and illness's, medications and situations too. The list of questions is fairly comprehensive though from normal to pretty personal. What childhood illnesses have I had, what vaccinations have I had, do you have any allergies, diabetes, difficulty bending, have you ever self harmed, have you ever had a problem with alcohol, any other substance abuse, have you ever had counselling, psychiatric treatment, depression, a nervous breakdown, Do you suffer from menstrual or gynaecological problems, migraines, deformaties of limbs, have you ever had an eating disorder, or unexplained weight loss or gain, have you ever had any operations, ever had a disorder of the bladder or kidneys, etc etc etc

My first thought was I'm sure no-one can be free from all those things, not they are asking you to be, but that I'm doing well to have only ticked 4 yes's, then actually on thinking about it I think my DH could say no to them all. Makes you remember quite how well off and blessed we are in the health department. Some people suffer so much with their health and I am very thankful for our health.

Painting progress

I have quite a lot to say today, but I think it shall go into 2 separate posts, possibly 3, but I'll think about that. This first post however shall be dedicated to my ongoing works of art. I would put a few photos on, but I haven't uploaded them yet. I will say though that didn't do too well last photo challenge, although I did come joint 8th out of 20 people so not that bad I guess. I think there were just a few fantastic photos that understandably got most of the photos. Not unhappy with that as the winning picture was fantastic. Anyway this months theme is Autumn.

Now paintings, these two are my current work in progress. They are a bit more abstract then the flowers. The plain one is one of 3 I have painted that colour, which will be the background for a fairly abstract 3 piece set. Not sure what colours to do with it yet though, I guess I should do a colour board thing. The black one is going to be kind of flamey and firey but swirlly if that makes sense. That is possibly more just for me rather then exhibit, but will see how it goes.



This next on is possibly finished, I'm not 100% sure, but for now I will leave it as don't want to mess it up. I'm fairly happy with it anyway and it can go to one side for the exhibition.



Right onto the next post.

How to gain facebook friends

Now I can't claim that everyone I know on facebook is an actual close friend, by no stretch of the imagination. There are people I was good friends with when I was ten, but haven't seen since, there are people who I met doing a weeks worth of voluntary work, there are vague aquaintances from school, there are internet friends, some of whom I have met once or twice, some of whom I've never met, friends of friends who I only occasionally see. However this latest friend request just takes the biscuit.

Yesterday someone asked to be my friend, I looked at the name, no clue, so I look at the picture, sometimes people have changed their name and I haven't realised until I see their face, but nope, don't recognise them, not helped by the fact it is an unclear picture. So then I do what we all do next, look up mutual friends, maybe I think she is an internet friend and I just can't place the name with a username, however no mutual friends. Getting stumped I think well I obviously don't know this person and reject the friendship request. You'd think that would be it it?

This morning I turn the computer on and there she is again, requesting me as a friend. Again. How odd I think. However this time she has left a note telling me where we met. You think that maybe being so persistent I'd made a dreadful error and forgotten someone really important, but no. Turns out I said Hello and shook her hand at a funeral. No great conversation passed, no getting to know each other, it was literally just a hello.

Now maybe I'm just old fashioned, and I know we all like to have lots of friends, but to me using a funeral to pick up facebook friends just seems a little bizzare to say the least. Oh well they do say there is nothing so odd as people!

Due date

Today is the day, approximately speaking of course, that I should of been meeting little Arthur. Of course he may have been early, or late, he may have been a girl, but either way it never came to any of those things. Today is my due date, and not sure what I expected to feel about it really. Maybe I should feel something more, but today just seems like another day in a way. It has been on my mind in a lot of ways this morning, but just in a contemplative way. I guess it is just that I have moved on. My focus at the moment is more on the fact that I am 2dpo then what could of been.

Anyway will just take a bit of time out today to focus on what we have lost, but I feel I have come so far since then. I actually threw away my positive test this morning. It has been sat on my bedside table ever since I got my bfp, and I have not known what to do with it, but this morning I just felt like it was a step onwards. So I guess although today isn't technically speaking a good day, I feel it is a positive day. The sun is shining and I'm looking to the future rather then the past.

Bicornuate bicollis Uterus

For those of you who don't know what a bicornuate bicollis uterus is I thought I'd post a picture. Mine is a bit more wonky then that, as the cervixes aren't side by side, one is infront of the other, but this is the general idea



As a general bit of information and a comparison here is a picture of most of the different mullerian anomalies and a comparison with the normal. It isn't the clearest picture but shows roughly the differences between them.



If you are reading this as you think you may have some sort of dodgy uterus, all I can say is make sure you push for a proper diagnosis, and check out this blog for a lot more information. Been talking to an internet friend this week and she is being messed about so much by doctors who don't really know what they are on about, or seemingly even the difference between bicornuate and a septate and the effect that it has on miscarriage rates. Makes me angry really, if a doctor doesn't really know something, why can they not admit that and refer you on to someone who does? Why try and bluff your way through? I'm very fortunate to have been seen by lovely gynaes but I have read online so many times about incompetent Drs bluffing people off, who then go on to have further and probably preventable miscarriages as they actually have an easily removable septate, not a bicornuate. Anyway rant over, I'm just glad my doctors took things seriously and really investigated what was going on before sending us off to ttc again.

So there you go, some education for the day. Hopefully you'll never need to know that, but it may be easier with pictures then me trying to explain what is actually going on in my insides.

Recent paintings

The first one is nowhere near done yet, needs a lot more doing to it, and the third one was just a doodle really to try something out, but at least I'm painting. Will hopefully get some more done this afternoon and work on that first one as unless I get it changed and better will just paint over and start again. I have been looking on deviantART for some inspiration so will hopefully put some of those ideas down on canvas soon.

Update

Well we are now officially back on the ttc bandwagon! Scary but great news. My appointment this morning was short but sweet, they didn't really have much to say that I didn't know. The MRi confirms the bicornuate bicollis uterus diagnosis. There are no extra worries about space, mullerian anomalies always indicate there may be issues with size and space due to the nature of them, but I was worried there maybe extra issues as they really couldn't get the hysterscope in either uterus when I had the hysteroscopy. However this was probably just due to the angles they are at, and the mri showed they are no smaller then 'normal' in these circumstances, so that is great.

What they did say, which I was hoping for, is that when we do get pregnant I will get early scans etc due to it being a more high risk pregnancy, so it is nice to know it isn't something I'm going to have to push for but will be automatically offered. They will want to know fairly early on where abouts and in which uterus horn any potential pregnancies implant so should be scanned at around 6/7 weeks which will be good.

So here goes!!

A comment on a comment on a comment

Ok maybe the title is a bit over the top, but was reading Dr Spouse's blog this morning and it has got me thinking about my own view on why I want to adopt.

Even before we started ttc, had the miscarraige and found out about the double uterus I wanted to adopt. For me adoption isn't something that will be a second choice if we can't have kids naturally, but a first choice, although hopefully as well as having our own. I have always wanted(well for a long time) 5 kids, 2 of our own and 3 adopted. If we get to that I will definitely have my hands full!

Anyway maybe it is just the people I know, but opposite to what DR Spouse has found I seem to know quite a few people who adopt or foster. Maybe it has an effect on why I want to adopt, maybe they are just people put in place in my life so I can get advice when I need it, but for me personally it isn't as rare as it seems to be in the general population. Maybe a lot of these people have come into my life so that when we need help and advice there are people there to talk to that will understand. In my family alone I have an adopted aunt, an adopted brother and 2 foster cousins although of those it is only my brother that has had an impact on my life, and that has been a big one. He has shown me how incredibly difficult adoption can be, how many problems you can't fix for people, but also how much you can do to make a difference to a persons life. Even the house that we own has a history of fostering, the people who we bought it off have fostered, and still do foster so many children of so many ages, this may sound completely stupid, but it does feel like this house is supposed to be some sort of haven. I hope that we can restore it to that at some point in the future.

For now though our focus is on the TTC, and tomorrow is my results from the mri!

A few more photos

Here are a few more for this months photo challenge, portraits. They are my friend muso's children, 2 of which are our Godchildren. They are such beautiful children and they really don't help our broodiness, they are fantastic, they are such characters.




Now just a few days left to take some more. I think I have taken more photos in the past month with holidays, wedding, photo challenges and The event put on by church, then I normally do in 3 months!

Only 3 days to go

My follow up appointment is on wednesday, so not long at all until I find out. Hopefully that will be it now, no more investigations etc. Then we will be back on the ttc waggon again most probably. I don't know exactly what I'm hoping for them to say, but I'm just hoping it will be positive and that if we are ttcing again it will be a bit quicker this time.

A few for this months Photo challenge

The theme this month is portraits, so here are my first few. Would love to go and take some in a forest by a stream, but these are just in the back garden for now.

Art exhibition

Well hopefully, all being well, me and at least a couple of friends will be having an art exhibition come mid November! I spoke about it to them last night, and they were so incredibly excited about the idea and really really up for it, so looks like it might happen. It's a bit scary, I'll have to stick at things I feel confident with, and they are both fantastic artist whereas I'm just me, but looking forward to it! Just need to actually ask about the venue and organise it now! And get arting!

Started a painting this morning anyway. So far only done a silver background so nothing to show, but will post when it's getting there. I need to restock up on a few things at the moment too, so after I next get paid it will be a trip to the art shop.

And the other side of life

Seemed odd putting this in the same post as the holiday snaps so thought I'd do it separate, but today was my husband's grannies funeral. It was just a tiny family affair, they are having a big service at her home church on another day, but the service itself was lovely. I met one of his aunt's and a cousin I hadn't before, but it was just such a shame that there was so much tension between the 2 sides of the family. I suppose it is different for me as an outsider, but it just seemed really awkward, although perfectly friendly and civil, between the two sides. Anyway no point me getting involved in any family disputes, I'll just be friendly to them all, especially on a day like today.

As a little aside I found out today that said granny's birthday was the same as little Arthur's due date. I knew they were similar times but I hadn't realised it was that day. I know he never got as far as a birthday, he may of been a she, and even if he had been born it's very unlikely to have been on the due date, however it's nice to think of them celebrating together in heaven.

A couple of holiday snaps

These are just a few of the night time ones, I didn't have a tripod so they are a bit blurred but not bad considering.

We had an absolutely lovely time, the weather was gorgeous, we had some lovely food, was a great, if tiring holiday. Came back on sunday, which was a very long days travel with a taxi, 2 planes and a coach then a train then a lift, but glad to be home, or I would be if the weather had come back with us. so much for a british summer, give me an Italian one every day!!

Friends bfp and other news

Last week I had my first friend announcing a bfp since my mmc, and I'm so pleased for them! Lots of friends have given birth since my scan, but none announced bfps, the last announcement was about 5 days before my scan. Was relieved to not feel at all upset or jealous by it, just really really happy for them. They got married in April, and it turns out that I had realised she was pregnant before they had. They don't know what has been going on with me, I had guessed she was pregnant but didn't want to say anything incase they weren't ready to tell people, but then when he did tell me turns out they had only just found out themselves.

As for me I'm still waiting for the results to my MRI. I've been away anyway so not able to hear anything yet, but hopefully won't be too long.

In other things hubby's granny passed away over the weekend. It is not a shock, but upsetting for the family none the less. We know where she is though and she is no longer suffering or trapped here. The funeral should be next week but not sure exactly when yet. She was a really lovely lady and although I didn't know her that well I got on so well with her.

Enjoying a bit of a break at the moment anyway. Just spent some lovely but tiring time with friends I don't see often, and now got a few days just with DH which should be lovely.

Nicki's competition.

My friend Nicki is having a competition to win one of her paintings. Go and check it out and support her, and have a nosey at her other pictures while you are there.

Indescribable

Now I can't possibly even try to claim that these are photo's I took, these are from the hubble telescope, but it just reminds you how amazing the universe really is, I think sometimes we forget. It's a bit beyond comprehension. The galaxy pictured below is approximately 719,015,515,916,140,800km in diameter. Earth has a diameter of a mere 12,700ish km.



Which bring me to this verse


When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

It is just amazing that the God who made all that, the vastness of it all, cares about us, a tiny spec on a tiny planet, in a tiny solar system, in a tiny galaxy that is one of billions of other galaxies in this massive universe. Whatever you believe you can't deny the universe is an amazing place, I just can't believe it was all one big accident.

If you are wondering where this mornings little outburst came from check out the dvd indescribable by Louie Giglio, it's one of those where you know it in your head, but it just reminds you how amazing God is. He made this immensely awe inspiring universe, and yet he cares about us and the details of our lives.

MRI scan update

Well the scan was fine yesterday, not really a lot to say about it as I haven't got any results until my follow up appointment. The one thing I didn't really expect though was that I would feel anything. It made me feel all buzzy and tingly, maybe due to the iron in blood, maybe just due to the vibrations of the machine. Anyway it was fine, it's out the way now, and hopefully I'll find out fairly soon what things are actually like in there!

A bit of everything

Seems to be quite a bit going on at the moment, so here is a bit of a roundup of what is going on with me.

I went to a very good friends wedding this weekend and it was absolutely lovely. They are both lovely people who have been really good friends and support for me recently with everything that has been going on and it was so lovely to see them get married. The service was fantastic, the best man was suitably amusing, he was very funny infact, especially as all the funny bits were unintentionally and just verbal drivel, he was great! It was lovely to get all dressed up too, have a bit of a dance, some lovely food, and a great day with friends. It almost made me cry though when the best man prayed that they would be blessed with children that would eat there greens, was lovely. I'm such a sop.

Feel like I haven't really posted any photos again for ages, got loads of lovely ones at the wedding, some great ones when the kids at work were horse riding last week, some really nice ones when I took the kids to Lyme park, however given that I feel I can't really post any of those I need to get a crack on. This months photo themes are either a taste of summer, or myths legends and fairytales, so should really start on that.

A bit of a worry at the moment is DH's granny. She has gone drastically down hill this year. There have been a few times when they thought she wouldn't pull through but she has, and now is one of those times where it isn't looking good. She is a wonderful lady, and a christian so I'm not worried about her dying as such, it's the inbetween bit that's hard, when she is so very ill. It would be wonderful if she pulled though again and was well, but if not I just want her to have a peaceful end and not be in any pain. Not really sure exactly what is happening at the moment though. My inlaws came back from their holiday early on sunday, but not had an update yet on how she is doing.

As for the ongoing investigations with my uteri, my MRI is tomorrow! I presume I won't find anything out for a couple of weeks as will have to then have another appointment with the gynae to discuss the results I guess, but I'm a bit nervous now as to what the end result of this whole bicornuate bicollis uterus, 2 cervixes, dodgy angles thing will be from a medical point of view. As to what the end result will be from a ttc point of view I guess that may just be a wait and see. Argh I wish I could have a definite answer either way, but life isn't like that unfortunately, but onwards we go anyway. I know I will be a mum one day, I hold on to that, it's just when and how that I don't know.

And finally I'm off to a christian youth festival in Somerset very soon to work as a steward. I do this every year for a week or two and I love it, this will be my 10th year working. I only booked about 2 weeks ago to go this year as obviously I originally thought I wouldn't be able to go. Although I'm looking forward to going I bizarrely feel a bit sad about going too, I wasn't going to go as I should be 8 months pregnant. However life moves on and looking forward to some time away in Florence after that. Can't wait for some hot weather!

So that has been a bit of a long and all over the place one! If you are still reading this far down and haven't said hello before then say hello and introduce yourself. I always wonder who is reading!

Why do we torture ourselves?

Why do I sit and watch things and read things that I know will only make me cry and pull at my heart when I know I can do nothing about it.

I've just been watching Steve Curtis Chapman's interview that he did today on Good morning America and it had me in tears, must be so hard for them to lose a daughter like that, it's so so sad. Then I was looking at all the adoption stuff they do and support and it just rips me up. I shouldn't look at things about adoption, I shouldn't read about children who need families, I shouldn't poke myself where it hurts, but I do.

I want to adopt more then anything else, more then have my own children, although I want that too, adopting just pulls at me so much. I know it's something I can't do right now, so why do I torture myself by reading things about it. Some kids are going through some horrible stuff, kids that are abused, kids that are neglected, kids that live on the streets, and I sit here in my big house and it's empty.

Getting there

She is looking fairly miserable, and she isn't finished yet, but getting there. Just leaving here to dry before doing some more.

New painting challenge

I recently bought 5 big canvases, they are 36x14inches, so not huge but quite long and thin. I started on my first this morning and I have set myself a bit of a challenge with this one. Given it's nearly a meter tall and I'm doing a person I won't be able to skimp on the face but as I have been trying to do more people recently I thought it was worth a go.

Here is my work so far


I haven't added any detail yet, just straight back colours really ready for working on top of, but so far I'm quite pleased and although I', dreading doing the face, I'm looking forward to a bit of a challenge too.