Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Why do we torture ourselves?

Why do I sit and watch things and read things that I know will only make me cry and pull at my heart when I know I can do nothing about it.

I've just been watching Steve Curtis Chapman's interview that he did today on Good morning America and it had me in tears, must be so hard for them to lose a daughter like that, it's so so sad. Then I was looking at all the adoption stuff they do and support and it just rips me up. I shouldn't look at things about adoption, I shouldn't read about children who need families, I shouldn't poke myself where it hurts, but I do.

I want to adopt more then anything else, more then have my own children, although I want that too, adopting just pulls at me so much. I know it's something I can't do right now, so why do I torture myself by reading things about it. Some kids are going through some horrible stuff, kids that are abused, kids that are neglected, kids that live on the streets, and I sit here in my big house and it's empty.


Lorna said...

I don't know hun, it's human nature I guess. I saw you did something else today that I imagined must have really upset you and been hard to see and I thought about you a lot. I hope you are ok. Thinking of you often sweetie. take care, love you lots x x x

Bernardeena said...

Now I'm confused by what you mean. Whoops. I should pay more attention to what I say/post/do. I hope I didn't upset you with my earlier comment. I know I can't really imagine what it is like to live with all you do and it must be worrying with the girls, but they are very lucky to have parents who do worry about them so much.

Lorna said...

No, you didn't upset me hun, just haven't replied to that yet! Thanks though. It was something else you posted on regarding others due when you should have been. I clearly worry too much about you lol! x x

Bernardeena said...

Oh that, no that doesn't bother me too much. I don't mind posting to the september mummies and seeing how they are getting on, even though I'm not one any more.