Happy Christmas

I know it is a couple of days early, but I will most probably not be online on Christmas day, so I hope you all have a fantastic, blessed, happy and peaceful Christmas. xxx

6 months

6 months yesterday this was me


6 months ago tomorrow this was N at just a few hours old


And here he is now, taken while out this afternoon, at 6 months tomorrow



As an aside and a little yay me I fit back in my jeans! It is a bit of a squeeze, but thank you breastfeeding, wii fit and walks with the sling/pushchair.

Weaning

Well this past week we have just about started weaning. I have to say anything but babyled probably wouldn't work for us as Noah wants to try everything himself. The one food he has tried that wasn't fingerfood, he insisted on trying to feed himself with the spoon. Why should I do the spoon when he can do it himself! Cue banana porridge all over everywhere, I wish I had a picture of him holding the bowl up to his face and trying to lick it out! Messy but fun.

Ok he has probably had very little food actually go down him, but we are just taking things slowly and letting him enjoy the new tastes and textures. Taking other peoples food seems to be something he enjoys, whether my brocolli or his cousins ricecake, so thats the way we are taking it for now.

In other baby related happenings I got to have a squidge of a friends one week old this morning. She is so gorgeous! Shows how quickly they grow though, Noah was just so huge in comparison, and she is much bigger then Noah was when he was born. That wanting another one is definitely pinging. Not yet. But it won't be long before we are back on the ttc bandwagon I don't think.

We have rolling!

And to prove it wasn't a one off, he did it 5 times within about 5 minutes! Completely over, arms out from under him and into a crawling position! He is such a clever little boy, I don't think I will be able to leave him alone in a room now!

Friends

Several things have made me think about friends and friendships recently. Finding a big pile of letters from several old friends who I am barely in touch with any more, a thread on a forum I visit regularly, being friend dropped on facebook, and just odd other bits of things too.

I have some lovely friends, who know all about everything with me, some friends who although may not know my deepest and darkest are great to spend time with, and the usual assortment of aquaintance friends too. There is just the odd few people though who friendships seem to have drifted with and it makes me sad that it has happened. People who I once thought my closest friends who I no longer see. I know some friendships are just for a time and not for forever, but there are people who I thought I'd always be close to who are no longer a part of my life and who don't know anything about me any more. I guess the reverse though is that there are people who I never really thought I'd be close to who are now good friends, people who have really been there for me when I needed them and friends I know I can trust with everything. I guess it is just like all relationships, some are a lot more one sided, some are a lot more deep and some just surprise you.

I don't know what I'm trying to say really, beyond the fact that maybe I need to get in touch with a few people.

As an aside Noah is 5 months today, and is it wrong to admit I'm starting to feel the smallest bit broody again?!!!

4 months

So Noah is now just over 4 months old and weighs an ever increasing 17lb 7. And no, just because he is a big lad doesn't mean I am weaning him yet. And yes you may have been eating steak and chips by the time you were that 3 seconds old and your child may have been eating vindaloo since 2 days old but that doesn't mean Noah needs solid food just yet. And don't you dare steal chocolate off my knee and give it to my son. Much as I love him I don't share my chocolate!

Ok so seriously 4 months isn't that young for weaning, but so many people have been on about me weaning him for quite a long while, because he is big. I know lots of people do wean at 4 months and sometimes earlier and if that is what is right for them then great. As it happens we are both happy with just breast milk for now. I love feeding him, he seems to love the milk and is thriving, I love donating milk to the neonatal unit, and I love having boobs! I know weaning is by no means the end of breast feeding and hope to keep on going for quite a while, I just don't see the rush for solids.

As a complete aside we have sitting! It is a bit wobbly and doesn't last too long, but it is definite sitting!

And here is a couple of pictures, a few weeks old but even so, I think he is the most gorgeous baby boy ever!

What difference does age make?

Just read this story on the bbc and thought I'd post it. It's amazing what a difference one person can make to so many people, whatever the age.

Arthur day

Well saturday was little Arthur day, the day he should have been one. 26th September will always be a special day to me, but it wasn't so much tinged with sadness this year. I still think about Arthur often, but at the same time if he was here that means Noah wouldn't be so it is a difficult one in my mind. I love Noah so much, but I'll always remember that you were my first baby Arthur, even if you never made it past the first trimester.

A couple of holiday snaps

I did say I'd post a couple from our holiday so here you go





The first one is him paddling in the sea, he loved it!

Joy of Joys

Today is smear test day, which I would not be looking forward to anyway. However I have several added bonuses.

I can see how this is going to go. They won't realise that I have 2 cervixes, so I will have to explain. Yes you would think that they would know and it would all be on record but last time I was there they offered me a coil. I then had to turn round and say er thanks love but that wouldn't work as I have 2 uterii. Bit red faced on their part. Even when I was pregnant it wasn't on my hand held notes and I had to tell people. Anyway there is no point them just doing one cervix, so I will have to tell them. Then I will have to lie there while they poke around trying to find the second one, which isn't in an obvious place. Joy.

And added to the joy of extra prodding will be the discomfort. Who would of thought yours bits would be sore after a c section? I didn't, given they hadn't pushed a baby through them and all those contractions didn't get me to more then 1cm dilated I'd have thought that they would have felt normal, but no unfortunately not.

This is clearly going to be a fun day.

Note to self

Please check that you aren't just sitting with your nipple hanging out when you have friends round.

You learn something new every day

Things I have learnt while I was in France

*Noah loves being in the sea
*Hubby is not very good at applying suncream evenly, I have a small red patch on my back to prove it
*Disposable nappies may smell less of wee but do not contain poo anywhere near as well as reusables
*That hearing 2 words can cost you £130 'strong gales' at which point I booked a plane ticket.
*You can get tropical storms in the English channel
*That like me Noah likes flying but he doesn't dislike ferries quite as much as me
*French beds are a lot smaller then English beds
*Driving on the wrong side of the road is a lot easier then I thought

So we are home again and happy to be so, although I had a really lovely holiday, it is nice to be back.

A note from France

We are currently away on our first holiday with the little man, (or should that be big, he was 14lb 8 at exactly 9 weeks making the only baby bigger then him at our baby group a 7 mounth old) Anyway I digress, from what I'm not sure.

We are having a lovely time in Brittany though with the inlaws who are here all summer. We are just here for 10 days, but I think all the fresh air is doing us all good, even if the ferry journey didn't do me much good. If they put a plaque up everywhere I had been sick throughout my life I think there would be an awful lot of them about. However the country and the sea isn't littered with 'Bernardeena was sick here' plates fortunately for you all. It's all worth it though. Noah has seen the sea and been to the beach for the first time and seems to love babbling and smiling away at everything he sees here. Me and Noah are getting used to actually having to get up in the morning, and he seems to have taken to having a big long afternoon sleep while we are here which leaves me in this odd position of having free time to do things for myself. I've actually finished some knitting off which I shall hopefully photograph soon, and I find myself in the position of wishing I'd brought more wool with me. I may even read a book for the first time since he was born, it is a big thing for me not to have read a book for so long. I have Jane Eyre stood waiting, which although I have read many a time before I will happily read again. If this carries on when we get home I may actually even do some painting.

So all is good, I know some people wouldn't reccommend a holiday with a 2 month old, but we are having a fantastic time!

Can't believe it is so long since I have done a blog post. I seem to spend plenty of time reading blogs while sat in front of the computer feeding Noah, but don't often seem to have both hands free to be able to write a blog post.

I'll start by throwing in a picture, he has grown so much since this picture was taken and it is unfortunately blurry, but I think it's great

Noah had the first of his injections this week, which we braved our way through. He coped at the time really well, and although a bit unwell afterwards I am so grateful we live in a time and a country where so many potentially life threatening diseases are now no longer a threat. I have never seen sick like the projectile fountain he did that evening though, the poor little man

Have to go again so this post shall have to be cut short again, but I shall be back soon!

Uterus Didelphys

Cowboyboot recently posted a link to this website by a young British(go us brits) girl. If you have a UD or any other kind of Uterine anommaly then check it out.

6 hours!

Can I just say that Noah slept for 6 hours without a feed last night!! That doubles his previous record, this is the boy often only going an hour between feeds at night. It was so good, although a little strange too, I kept waking up and looking at him to find him still contentedly asleep.

The only thing about his big sleeps, is that all of his longest sleeps have been when we've been co-sleeping. I don't think he has ever gone beyond 2 hours in his cot. I never intended to co sleep, but he is such a cuddly baby that he just settles better and sometimes I just can't be bothered getting back out of bed after feeding. Will persevere with the cot as I don't want him permenantly in our bed, but there is something lovely about sleeping next to him, and today I am just happy in the fact that he slept!! Yay!

Growth

And not of Noah this time.

Having a c section hasn't exactly helped me with my gardening, and obviously just feeding and sleeping currently takes up a lot of my time, but my garden hasn't been forgotten. A lot of work has gone into it this year, and although it is currently overgrown and in serious need of attention there has been some really good stuff come out of it.

These are what I have just picked and just photgraphed.



Ok so my sprouts, cabbages, kale, pakchoi and brocolli have practically all been eaten by an huge army of cabbage white caterpillars, and some of my herbs and salad leaves have bolted, but I also have still growing red onions, carrots, beetroot, an array of herbs and some tomatoes. All in all I'm quite impressed by how much can be grown in such a small space with so little human intervention.

So many potential blogs

So few of them actually process in my brain to become actual posts though.

I just want to say that being a mum to Noah is completely wonderful. I love my little family of me, hubby and Noah and feel so incredibly blessed to have them both. Hub is the most doting Dad and is soo good with our little man and I am so grateful to have someone who is not only a wonderful husband but also a fantastic Dad.

Anyway soppyness over for now.

One of the thoughts that has hit me over the past couple of weeks is how strong the woman that used to own our house must be. I'm sure I've mentioned before that they fostered loads of kids. Anyway one of the things that they sometimes did was look after newborns for the first few months of their lives until either they were adopted or the courts decided that they were safe to be returned to their birth families. To look after and bring up a baby from a few days old until they are several months old, knowing you have to then have to let them go into the unknown never to see them again must be an incredibly hard thing to do. I have a lot of respect anyway for all that this family have done in terms of giving children homes until they can be found permenant famlies, but having Noah has made me realise how incredibly hard it must be at times and remember what a precious gift it is they give to all the children they do care for.

He eats how much?!

Now I know that Noah feeds a lot, I know I'm up feeding a lot of the night, but I didn't expect what I heard from the midwife this morning.

When he born last tuesday he weighed 7lb 12oz, when he was weighed on sunday morning he weighed 7lb 10oz. The midwife was impressed that he had lost just 2oz as they expect them to lose up to 10% of their body weight in the first few days. So this morning, just 4 days later I took him to be weighed, expecting an increase but not what I heard. He now weighs 8lb 9oz!!!

That is basically a whole pound in 4 days! I am stunned! Go Noah go!

Noah's arrival

While he is contentedly asleep and having a cuddle with Daddy, and I'm waiting for the midwife I thought I'd do the whole 'how he actually got here' post.

Things kicked off at about 11.30pm on 15th when my water started leaking. By about half twelve I had to get up and out of bed as I was too achey when lying down and I didn't want to disturb hubby too much with the constant trips to the toilet. So I went and did what all sensible women in early labour might do and came and plonked myself in front of the internet for a while. I know some people also recommend shopping, however given the time and the fact that would have involved moving, the internet had to suffice.

By about 2.30am I had contractions coming thick and fast, every 5 minutes or less which I thought was fairly good going for a first baby, from nothing at all a couple of hours earlier to increasingly regular and painful contractions. Got to the hospital at about 3am and got hooked up to the monitors etc to measure babies heart rate and contraction strength. It was at this point I was gutted to be told I was only 1cm dilated. Given the strength of the contractions I was hoping for a couple more cm then that! She said that although they often send people home at this point they would probably keep me in and try and speed things up with some drugs as the baby's heart rate was dropping a bit more then they would like with each contraction. They left me for a bit longer though and went to find a doctor to see what they thought. At this point I hadn't had any pain relief and my contractions were getting increasingly more and more painful and difficult for me to deal with. Noah's heart rate started dropping more and more as the contractions got much stronger, I'm sure I saw it was down to mid 50's during some of the strongest contractions, but at least it was going back to normal inbetween! At this point the doctor examined me and decided as because I still wasn't dilating and the heart rate was now dropping significantly every contraction they would take me through for an emergency c-section.

Then it was all go. The room suddenly filled with people, one person stripping me off, another putting a cannula in my hand, while someone else explaining and getting me to sign consent forms. Then I was whisked off to be prepped and have a spinal, before Noah was officially born at 5.52am on 16 June 2009, weighing 7lb 12.

Stitching up took longer then I anticipated, ended up losing 1000ml of blood and was then sick several times through out the morning, turns out he had been back to back too which would of not helped the pain, but he is completely worth it all. Despite it not being the birth I anticipated I think it was a really positive birth and the main thing is that he is here and we are both fine and healthy. Recovery is going really really well, and he is such a good and contented baby.

I'll finish with a picture our little family a few hours after he was born
And one of him from friday when we came home

Introducing Noah

I'll do a proper update at some later point, but just to say Noah was born on 16th June by emergency C-section at just before 6am. He is absolutely gorgeous and we are completely in love and so very grateful that we have him, that he got here safe and wel, and that we are both doing so well and are home again.

Does it count as nesting???

If you are actually getting someone else to do the work for you?

Well I'm 38+2 now, not a twinge, show, contraction, Braxton Hicks or anything so far so he still seems very happy in there. I'm starting to get a little impatient though!

As for the nesting, so far this week I have had hubby move round all the furniture in the bedroom, which means we now have a lot more room and the cot fits much better. Then today I went and ordered wallpaper for the front room, a red and gold random sort of pattern, which should arrive next week. Not that I'm doing all the work, I've arranged for my youngest brother to come round one day next week and strip the current wallpaper and paint one of the walls in another room too. I'm not convinced this is nesting, I think it is more to do with the fact that now I am on maternity leave I have spent far too much of my week watching house and decorating programmes.

37 weeks today!

I am very pleased to say that I am now oficially full term! Given all that I've been told and that I've read about the possibilities of preterm labour due to lack of space, and the vastly increased risk of breech presentation I am very very pleased to be here at 37 weeks with the little man still seemingly very happy where he is and head down.

Woohoo, final countdown now!

The difference between a uterus bicornis bicollis and a uterus didelphys

Cowboyboot recently asked me what the differnce is between a bicornuate bicollis uterus and a uterus didelphys, so I thought I'd dedicate a blog post to trying to explain.

I shall try and put a couple of links on as I am not a medical expert, but there can be variations in both I think, and sometimes some medical people seem to consider the bicornuate bicollis as a varient of a uterus didelphy, while other seem to just consider it a variation of a bicornuate unicollis (which I sort of disagree with)

I guess I should try and start with the basics for those just starting on this trip. These irregular uterus shapes occur when you yourself are in utero, when the body is developing at something like 6 weeks I believe. The uterus is made from two seperate parts which normally fuse together to make one normal uterus, however for whatever reason this sometimes doesn't happen and only partial fusion or no fusion takes part, resulting in several different types of dodgy uterus, or mullerian anomalies as they should actually be know. It's just one of those things some people are born with. I'll put this picture in again just as I find it a really clear picture of the different types


If you have recently been told you have some form of mullerian anomally, whether a bicornuate, unicornuate, septate, didelphic, or any other form of dogy uterus the first two places I'll send you to check out are this blog and this yahoo group. They should give you lots of info about the differences and pushing for a correct diagnosis, there are loads of links on there and lots of answers to FAQ too.

Right the difference between uterus bicornis bicollis and a uterus didelphys, which is what I was getting at in a very round about way. They both have two seperate uterus and two cervix. I think first and easiest way to show the difference is with these pictures taken from here

The main difference is that UD is more independant and unattached then the BBU. Although both have two separate uterine cavaties, the walls of the BBU are still slightly joined together, but not just by a thin septate but rather by a thick uterus wall. In a UD these are completely separate, the two uterus cavaties are not partially joined. Another difference, although not a defining one as it can occur in both, is that a duplicated vagina is much more likely in a UD.

I'll throw in another link here for a bit about the differences, and then I will leave it there for now. Hopefully that has been useful to someone out there!

26!

That is the grand age I reached yesterday. However before I start wittering on about my birthday I shall do a quick pregnancy update.

All went well at the scan on monday, the scanner managed to get me in one of the most uncomfortable positions and then hold the probe myself while she did something else, however the placenta has moved enough out of the way and all is well which is the main thing. So all being well I should now not have to have a c section. He is head down and all is how it should be, and at just over 36 weeks he still seems fine for space. I have now started the intake of raspberry leaf tea, and it doesn't taste too bad, I was expecting it to be foul but fortunately not. I did say I would try and get a picture of how wonky my bump can look, but this little one likes hiding when I try, so here is a picture of a just slightly wonky bump, plus a general bump shot of me yesterday at 36+1


As for my birthday I had a really lovely day. My hubby took the day off work and we went out shopping during the day which was great, finally managed to get a forest green nail varnish which I have been after for ages, and a skirt in the same colour. Hub bought me a jewellery box and a pair of sandals
as pressies, as well as the trap door dvd he had given me in the morning. I had forgotten just how good that programme really was!

Then in the evening we went out for a meal to a little local restaurant, so all in all it was a really lovely day.

Oh and I almost to forgot to add and introduce, but here is Geoff the Giraffe My hub came home from the supermarket with him the other day as he said he just couldn't resist. I think someone is getting quite excited!

Find me a family

Here in the uk channel 4 have been running a series of programmes under the banner of Britain's forgotten children. One of the series I have been watching has been entitled 'find me a family', about finding adoptive families for hard to place children, disabled children, older children and sibling groups.

This particularly was something I wanted to watch, as at some point in time I do want to adopt a sibling group. Two of our own and 3 adopted has been in my head for a very long time. I have so far only watched the first two of the three episodes, and I also want to watch the dispatches programme about the care system, however I do think things were being portrayed with somewhat rose tinted glasses. I know that the adoption process is often a lot longer then that shown, and that to then be placed with a child often takes a good while longer too, however I did find the programme very interesting and quite informative in a few ways. It also lead me on to thinking about my own experience of having an adopted brother and what I want for us personally as well as what would be best for any children we do eventually adopt.

I don't remember what I have previously put about my own family, but the general background is this. In my immediate family there is me and 3 brothers. I am the second eldest, then I have a younger brother who is 3 years younger then me, who was adopted when he was nearly 4, and has fetal alcohol syndrome and the youngest who was born about 6 months after 3rd brother arrived. In my wider family there is an adopted aunt, who was adopted as a baby by my grandma after being told she shouldn't have anymore children or it would kill her (she then had my Dad several years later and both her and my dad survived the experience) and 2 foster cousins. So adoption and fostering has always been something I've grown up around, although not always something that has been easy for the family. Even the house we live in has a history of fostering and had a definite feel of being right when we bought it.

As for us and what would be best for our children, having seen a little from my own family, having watched the experiences on this programme, and having read comments on a few adoption forums I think that would be best for us and for any adopted children would probably be to have any more birth children first and then adopt after. I don't want this little one to be an only one for too long, so it will probably be ttc next. I also think the disruption potential caused by another ttc period and new baby may be a lot for an adoptive family to deal with as they are settling in a new home. It didn't work like that in our house, my adoptive brother saw the new baby as his baby, but I think it must be unsettling for a lot of adoptive children to have a new baby born into the family. So with all this I feel kind of more certain about the future, although obviously we will see how we get on with this one and ttc is never a game with a predictable ending and time scale, that looks like it will be our path for the future.

I think this post has gone on long enough, but it has just struck me that I do talk about adoption quite a lot for someone who is now 8 months pregnant.

Scan no.5

After my 20 week scan I was referred for a further scan at 32-34 weeks due to a low lying placenta, so yesterday at 34+5 I went for said scan. Having had an unscheduled scan inbetween but at a different hospital, I had been told things were ok with my placenta, so off I went, thinking it would be a nice simple straightforward scan and that would be it, signed off from the hospital to the midwife until I give birth. No chance.

Turned up for my scan, actually had the scan as soon as I got there which was great given the big queues, told her about previous bleed and scan in York then started on the scan. Everything is fine with the little man, and they confirmed again that it is a little boy we are having, which is good given the amount of blue clothing in our house! However when it came to seeing the bottom of my placenta and cervix it was just not happening. He is so far head down that they just couldn't see anything. They even had me lying sort of upside down on the bed, with my hips and legs significantly higher then my head (which was such an easy and comfortable position to be in!) to see if they could shift him slightly, but he just didn't want to play. The result of this was that they could see the placenta is still slightly under his head, but how far away from the cervix they just couldn't tell. Then had a nice long wait to see the midwife and doctor, and have been refered back for an internal scan next monday morning with a specialist scanner, followed by an appointment in the afternoon with the consultant if needed.

So all in all not quite what I was expecting, however the positives are that he is doing well, seems perfectly happy in there, and I got a really good look at his face and at him again. Final countdown now whatever the outcome of the placenta issues!

Dreams -attempt 2

Or should that be attempt 3, as I actually started on this earlier this morning, but then went for a sleep instead. Anyway some musings. (erm now attempt 4 as it is a new day as this post never got finished, my musings are obviously quite disjointed)

This was kind of inspiried by my Dad preaching at church on Sunday morning, he was talking about having dreams and preparing for them, not just sitting about waiting for them to happen, but making them happen. About stretching yourself so that when dreams become reality you are in a place to fulfil them.

I don't know entirely what the point of this post is but bear with me. I think dreams are so important to all of us. I think if we don't have any at all we just stagnate in ourselves. They may be big dreams, small dreams, life changing dreams, world changing dreams but unless we have dreams and do anything about them what's the point? Ok we may not fulfill all of our dreams, some of them may be for the future rather then now, some of them may just be silly things, but without them what motivates us?

One of the quotes my Dad used was by Christopher Reeve

“So many of our dreams at first seem Impossible, then they seem Improbable, and then when we Summon the Will, they soon become Inevitable.”

This then prompted me to have a bit of a search for other quotes about dreams.

“There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.”

What a great quote, wouldn't you just love to be one of those people?!

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”

Ok so this quote was from some dodgy woman who fraudulently took lots of money in a dodgy church of some description. The point is I liked the quote though and I think it speaks a lots of sense and truth.

Gets me onto thinking about my own dreams. At the moment a lot of them focus on this baby, that he grows up feeling loved and happy and healthy, I guess the things that most people dream for their children. Beyond that most of my dreams seem to revolve around children in one way or another. The main dream to adopt a sibling group, a possible dream to become a children's social worker, and I guess my continuing hope to make a difference in some way.

Hmm the post is now taking a while too long to actually get posted and I'm not entirely sure where it is headed, so I will leave you with those thoughts and with a couple of recent knitting photos. I shall hopefully provide an updated bump shot soon, but I'm waiting for one of those moments when he really stretches out so you can really see what have a bicornuate uterus sometimes looks like!

Photos and dreams

Have just been having a little look through some old blogs, and realised at one point my aim was to try and take a picture at least three times a week. I think that long went out of the window! However it may be improving again as I have bought a little point and shoot so at least I don't have to lug my big camera around with me everywhere I go on the off chance of something to photo. There is always that very irritating feeling when you go somewhere, see something fantastic to photo, and then realise you haven't got a camera with you as it is actually bigger then your handbag.

Took it out for a try yesterday, I'm not really up for going out my way or walking very far, but stopped off in the car and took just a couple and it seems like an alright camera. Obviously when I went to go out taking photos or when I'm off to weddings I'll take my good camera, but I do like this idea of something more portable.

Anyway here are a couple of snaps I took. This months theme is spring sunshine (not that we have any of that today, it being a typical british bank holiday monday) so here you go. This isn't the best bluebells picture I've taken, took a few last week(unfortunately a bit early for this months theme) on my big camera, but you get the idea. The lamp post is very spring time in Narnia to me.



As for last months architecture theme I came third with my picture of York Minster. Well sort of third but not really,as a trio of people came joint second with one vote each more then mine so technically I came 5th. However I am pleased with that, I liked the picture and was really pleased with my result too.

As for my comments on dreams they shall have to wait for now. I think I have just spent too long messing about on deviantart so I best actually go and do something useful now!

All the best plans....

Having a holiday away together for our anniversary before this baby arrives seemed like a good idea. Nowhere too far away, just for 4 days and 3 nights in Yorkshire, a day in York, a day in beautiful Whitby. Sounded like a good idea. Unfortunately didn't work out like that.

Drove up to York on Wednesday, had a wander around the minster which is beautiful Then we had a nosey round an antique shop and I bought myself two pearl necklaces, I've wanted some pearls for a while and they were so cheap compared to new ones I ended up buying two lots


Arrived at bed and breakfast in the evening which seemed really nice, had a decidedly average meal out at a nearby pub then headed to bed. Which is when things went a little off plan. Woke up at 5.15am thursday morning bleeding so ended up heading off to York hospital. Which is where I stayed until just after tea on saturday evening. So much for Steam trains and Whitby abbey!

However on the bright side all is well with both me and this little one which is the most important thing. We are home now which is good, and although we never really got our holiday at least I got plenty of time to rest, read and spend with Hubby. He bought me a bracelet while I was in the hospital which was lovely of him. Being in hospital also gave me a bit more of an insight into my volunteer work, especially how frustrating it can be when you feel well in yourself but are in hospital, I was only there 3 days but I know many people are there for months in other wards and I think it has been good to give me a tiny taste of what that feels like. While we are being positive though the best bit of being in hospital was getting to see my little man again on a scan. I say little, but at 31+1 his weight was estimated from the scan and his measurements to be 2kg, or about 4lb 6oz. I know these things can be very inaccurate, but I don't think this one will be a little one at that weight with 9 weeks to go!

I am an Auntie!

Not sure if I'm allowed to post pictures, I should get permission from my brother first, but last Friday I became an aunt for the very first time to a gorgeous little 6lb 4 oz girl! She is truly beautiful, with lots of dark hair, and I think we have all fallen in love with her. She was born 4 weeks early and they are hoping to bring her home today ready for Easter.

On which note Happy Easter to you all. I hope you all have a blessed and peaceful one.

A new year

Now I know that technically it isn't a new year, but to me it is. This time of year always feels more like a new year then the start of january does. I think as you see the first lambs in the fields, the blossom on the trees, and the first seeds in my garden sprouting it feels like more of a new year then January 1st ever does. Plus saturday 20th was a year since I said goodbye to little Arthur, and I can't decide whether it feels less time or longer. So it seems like a new year in the sense of that year being gone. I didn't really think about it at the time, I had a little cry in bed at night as it suddenly hit me when we were talking about someone elses pregnancy, but it feels good to have that milestone out the way.

As for the year ahead it has a lot of changes to come I think. There is obviously this baby to come in the none too distant future, a big change to my work hours unrelated to maternity, but due to the fact that the children I look after are all growing up. This is also the last week at my part time job, so a big change there, I've worked there over 6 years now, so it seems strange to only have 2 days left. Although I will be glad not to go anymore, there will be parts of it I will miss, especially some of the children there. Volunteer work is going well, it is something that I still feel a little out of my depth doing, and I'm not always the most confident person at talking to people and starting up conversations with strangers, but I feel like it is the right thing, and I hope to carry on after I have this baby, when he is old enough to be left for a couple of hours.

I just feel contented right now, not just due to the pregnancy, but due to where I feel I am in myself and feeling fulfilled. That seems like a scary thing to say. Especially when it feels like this is going to be a year of changes, possibly beyond the ones I can see, but right now things feel really positive.

Baby purchase

I have just realised I haven't posted pictures of any of my baby purchases. I have bought the majority of the big things now, just all the little bits to get.






Waiting for the carrycot to arrive, and haven't put the cot or changing table up yet, but it is gradually all accumulating. I have tried to hold off buying and clothes, so only got a couple of bits, but will try and take some pictures of those at another point. I think it is all definitely getting more real now. 27 weeks!

Knitting updates

If you don't like knitting then I'd give up now on this post. However for something less serious then the last few posts please feel free to carry on and wonder why I am so impressed with myself over such basic knitting acheivements.

I have signed up for my first ever knit along. I wasn't going to as I have so many projects on the go anyway, However it looks gorgeous and it will be something for me rather then just for this baby, so here it is. I have bought some beautiful silk and mohair yarn to make it in, in a gorgeous deep purple. I shall update when I start, the knit along is on ravelry, but I don't think we are starting for a week or two yet.

As for my other knitting I am quite impressed. The pixie coat is all done aside from the sewing up and the little stripey tank top just needs sewing up and the collar etc knitting on. So that is two very nearly completed projects! (although I know the bit I have to do is in one way the worst, but that is why I'm waiting for some help from my mum) Plus I have started on my first ever cabled item, and so far so good! It is definitely not as hard as it looks so I'm pretty pleased with that.


Aside from the knitting I have also been trying to get things done on my garden. I have half dug over my fruit patch, put in a black currant bush and redcurrant bush, planted lettuces, tomatoes, broadbeans, peas, sprouts and erm possibly some other stuff that i can't remember, and I have loads more seeds ready to be planted. I really want to get this garden sorted before this bump gets too big (shall I do another bump shot? It's really sprouted but I always doubt you will want to look at some random persons bump, although you are currently reading some random persons drivel, and on a side note I do thing this bump is gettin a bit lopsided now. I'm sure only I notice but it is definitely bigger on the right where he is then on the left) Anyway i may do some before and after picures of the garden as it is going through a fair overhall, but please note that my lovely huby is ding all the heavy digging work not me!

Conversations with children

And I'm not talking the amusing cutsie ones you have with little ones either! Yesterdays tea time conversation at work covered the topics of drugs, alcohol, abortion, euthanasia, suicide and mental health. It came up in relation to two things, firstly the fact that someone had climbed up the crane outside their school and threatened to throw themselves off as their boyfriend had split up with them, and secondly the fact that their school wasn't doing anything for comic relief due to abortion links. Sometimes the sex talks are the easy one! They are secondary age, but trying to explain to a teenager that even if someone is threatening to kill themselves that should never be a reason to stay with them isn't always the most simple. Also trying to tell them that even if these things are a cry for attention rather then a serious attempt, it may be that it means they get the help they need. Add on to that talking about death from alcohol poisoning, why I have a brother my parents adopted, and Swiss suicide clinics it doesn't make for the easiest conversation, but you know what, I think these are the kind of important things that need to be discussed.

I guess they are the kind of topics that aren't pleasant, but if we don't talk to kids (ok they aren't my kids but I have looked after them for 7 1/2 years) about these things then who will?

A sad update

I'm very sad to say that little baby Naomi passed away over the weekend. Please keep praying for her Mum's recovery and for God's comfort for the whole family. I can only begin to imagine what this must be like for them and they are in my prayers a lot at the moment.

A request

To those of you reading this who don't already know, I am part of an online womens forum thing run by someone here in the uk. One of the other women on that site who was also due in June like me has given birth yesterday to a little baby girl. She is very premature, weighs just 2lb, so please can you pray for little baby Naomi, and also for mum who has had to go for an emergency hysterectomy.

When the google-er is the google-ee

I know I said a couple of weeks ago at how shocked I was at being one of the top results for bicornuate bicollis uterus. However when I was starting to think about giving birth and how having two cervixes may affect that I didn't really consider that I would still be on the top page of results, after all I have never given birth. I think my search for knowledge is reaching a bit of a stumbling block.

My wondering is what will actually happen when I come to give birth? That is presuming I give birth naturally, which isn't a given anyway with the low lying placenta and the increased risk of breech, but anyway back to my musings. So if I do go into labour what actually happens? Will both uterii contract? I'm presuming only the cervix attached to the uterus containing baby will actually dilate? I can't see why the other one would but I have heard people say dilation is caused by hormones? Surely it is partially caused by the contractions pushing baby down? I think it is time to head back to the mullerian anomalies yahoo group and ask the experts.

I really do think I think about things too much. The main thing is that he gets here safe and well.

Black and white

I am becoming increasingly aware that these blog posts are a bit all over the place and include a bit too much of everything and not that much of anything. However I'm not convinced I would keep up if I separated them out into things fertility relatedand things crafty related. So they can all stay together as one big blog of my life.

Anyway after my increasing laxness in the past couple of months photo challenges I decided to get my bum in gear and take some photos. This months theme is the simple task of black and white, so here are my efforts so far. Unfortunately the duskyness of them doesn't really work in black and white so back to the drawing board I think. I was however most pleased when someone said they could really see me in the photos I take and I definitely have my own style. I know that isn't to everyones taste, but I'm glad people think my pictures reflect me.

There is an elephant in the room

Excuse the blurry phone shot but this is my bump. The elephant is that there are still quite a lot of people I haven't told I'm pregnant. I don't always know how to tell people, I don't always really want to, but it isn't really something I can hide any longer is it?! It is one of those elephants that small children have started commenting on, but most adults seem too polite to mention. I had a 10 year old poking my tummy and asking on sunday, and a group of 4 year old giggling girls telling each other that I'm going to have a baby today, but the grown ups pretend everything is normal. I guess there are still a few people I really should tell...

The lack of information

I always thought the internet was a mine of information, which it is, it's great to be able to just type into a search engine whatever it is you want to find out about and up pops lots of information. However that isn't always the case. A search for maternity gothwear for one brings you next to no useful results. So what about when that supposed mine of information turns out to be me???!!

I had noticed a few of you had found your way here by typing bicornuate bicollis into google, so I thought I'd have a look myself. 5th, not 5th page, but 5th result that is where I found myself! How can it be that this one very little blog can be one of the top results in a world of 6 and a half billion people! Is there really so little information out there about this? Yes there is loads of information out there about bicornuate uterii, but that doesn't really quite cover the half of it for some of us. A bicornuate uterus can have any degree of indentation, from slight to severe, it really doesn't cover the whole bicollis part of it of having 2 cervixes. I just think it is shocking that I'm so high up this list!! For those of you who do find your way here though I hope you find some information from my ramblings and also check out the link to the blog list I have, erm which seems to have disappeared somewhere, I'll make sure that goes back up. It is stirrup queen anyway and she has a huge lists of blogs covering allsorts of pregnancy, parenting, gynae, adoption, ivf type stuff, including a list of blogs from people with uterine anomalies.

Anyway as I draw to the end of another waffle without much direction I shall finish with these 2 things I found on my web search of the day. Firstly this.If you are a bit squeamish you may not want to look, but I found the pictures really interesting. I did note though that they say t

To our knowledge, such uterine anomaly has only been sporadically reported as revealed by our survey on bicornis bicollis uterus in the literature for the last over nine decades

Hmm, I think I may change my facebook status to 'is a sporadic anomaly'
Secondly was a comment here saying that actually bicornuate bicollis actualy has a much better pregnancy success rate then just a standard bicornuate. So there is some good news for you bicollis people out there!

Names

Well the name issues have started now. After thinking we were going to keep our name to ourselves hubby told his parents last night, which to be honest didn't surprise me. And they don't like it, which didn't surprise me either. When I met them later in the evening his Dad was trying to suggest other names, so I can see this is going to be a fun next few months. This was partly why I didn't really want to say until baby is born. Hubby surprised me though as he is usually easily swayed by his Dad, but he really stuck up for our name and told them that they are just going to have to get used to it. So 3 cheers for him for that at least. Anyway I may tell my parents, but beyond that I still don't really know whether we are keeping this name quiet or not???

In the wider world of my life I got back to the bass playing last night, and it went better then expected. The bump didn't get in the way as much as I thought it might, but I think I'm going to have to be a sit down guitarist for now at least.

We have taken a trip to Ikea and I think picked out baby's furniture, although we haven't bought it as we are still waiting for some money that was delayed due to the whole icelandic bank fiasco to come through to us. Bought some new storage for the computer room though, which I know isn't highly exciting but we will hopefully get the house organised, we are having a bit of a shuffle and sort out which is much needed.

My painting hasn't got very far yet, but hopefully should get some more done tomorrow when I go to my art group.

And that is about it really. Nothing else of great excitement to report, but I'm sure I will be back with more wafflings soon.

Knitting

Here is some proof for you that I have been crafting along and doing my knitting. Honest.



I also did that dangerous thing of browsing in the wool shop. It is a new one I haven't been in before and it is absolutely fantastic! I think it may be my shop of choice from now. However as well as buying wool for a pattern I borrowed from a friend and a pattern and wool for my mum, I also ended up buying another pattern, and 2 more lots of wool. So I will have plenty to keep me quiet! Here are a couple of my purchases, the ones for my mum have already been passed on, but these will be my next projects.