Friday, 15 May 2009

Find me a family

Here in the uk channel 4 have been running a series of programmes under the banner of Britain's forgotten children. One of the series I have been watching has been entitled 'find me a family', about finding adoptive families for hard to place children, disabled children, older children and sibling groups.

This particularly was something I wanted to watch, as at some point in time I do want to adopt a sibling group. Two of our own and 3 adopted has been in my head for a very long time. I have so far only watched the first two of the three episodes, and I also want to watch the dispatches programme about the care system, however I do think things were being portrayed with somewhat rose tinted glasses. I know that the adoption process is often a lot longer then that shown, and that to then be placed with a child often takes a good while longer too, however I did find the programme very interesting and quite informative in a few ways. It also lead me on to thinking about my own experience of having an adopted brother and what I want for us personally as well as what would be best for any children we do eventually adopt.

I don't remember what I have previously put about my own family, but the general background is this. In my immediate family there is me and 3 brothers. I am the second eldest, then I have a younger brother who is 3 years younger then me, who was adopted when he was nearly 4, and has fetal alcohol syndrome and the youngest who was born about 6 months after 3rd brother arrived. In my wider family there is an adopted aunt, who was adopted as a baby by my grandma after being told she shouldn't have anymore children or it would kill her (she then had my Dad several years later and both her and my dad survived the experience) and 2 foster cousins. So adoption and fostering has always been something I've grown up around, although not always something that has been easy for the family. Even the house we live in has a history of fostering and had a definite feel of being right when we bought it.

As for us and what would be best for our children, having seen a little from my own family, having watched the experiences on this programme, and having read comments on a few adoption forums I think that would be best for us and for any adopted children would probably be to have any more birth children first and then adopt after. I don't want this little one to be an only one for too long, so it will probably be ttc next. I also think the disruption potential caused by another ttc period and new baby may be a lot for an adoptive family to deal with as they are settling in a new home. It didn't work like that in our house, my adoptive brother saw the new baby as his baby, but I think it must be unsettling for a lot of adoptive children to have a new baby born into the family. So with all this I feel kind of more certain about the future, although obviously we will see how we get on with this one and ttc is never a game with a predictable ending and time scale, that looks like it will be our path for the future.

I think this post has gone on long enough, but it has just struck me that I do talk about adoption quite a lot for someone who is now 8 months pregnant.