Wednesday, 25 March 2009

A new year

Now I know that technically it isn't a new year, but to me it is. This time of year always feels more like a new year then the start of january does. I think as you see the first lambs in the fields, the blossom on the trees, and the first seeds in my garden sprouting it feels like more of a new year then January 1st ever does. Plus saturday 20th was a year since I said goodbye to little Arthur, and I can't decide whether it feels less time or longer. So it seems like a new year in the sense of that year being gone. I didn't really think about it at the time, I had a little cry in bed at night as it suddenly hit me when we were talking about someone elses pregnancy, but it feels good to have that milestone out the way.

As for the year ahead it has a lot of changes to come I think. There is obviously this baby to come in the none too distant future, a big change to my work hours unrelated to maternity, but due to the fact that the children I look after are all growing up. This is also the last week at my part time job, so a big change there, I've worked there over 6 years now, so it seems strange to only have 2 days left. Although I will be glad not to go anymore, there will be parts of it I will miss, especially some of the children there. Volunteer work is going well, it is something that I still feel a little out of my depth doing, and I'm not always the most confident person at talking to people and starting up conversations with strangers, but I feel like it is the right thing, and I hope to carry on after I have this baby, when he is old enough to be left for a couple of hours.

I just feel contented right now, not just due to the pregnancy, but due to where I feel I am in myself and feeling fulfilled. That seems like a scary thing to say. Especially when it feels like this is going to be a year of changes, possibly beyond the ones I can see, but right now things feel really positive.