Today I went for a walk with a few friends, to a place I haven't been before. Who knew this little beauty spot was hiding away less then a mile away from our house. I did however learn that wimberrys are not the best fruit to forage if you want more then a handful. It is so long since I last went picking wimberries I forgot what a labour of love they are. We had a lovely time though, and the boys happily had their fill of blackberries on our walk.
I have recently returned to a few old guilty projects that needed finishing, as well as starting a few new bit. I decided there was a few things that I really liked that were just sat 2/3rds from a time when I lost my crafty swing. Big things that I actually really wanted to finish, so first finish is the hoody for my husband. We had a bit of an issue with this regarding dye lots, but I managed to find a match, and here it is.
It doesn't often come up in casual conversation that you have a complete bicornuate uterus (or a double uterus), but oddly enough it did. I was talking to a lady I know at knitting group, and it turns out she is a retired midwife, so we were having a really interesting conversation about birth, feeding, training and support etc. Then it came out that we both had a double uterus, and when I compared my family and story to hers it made me so grateful all over again. I have 2 boys that were born full term and healthy, and only the one miscarriage. I know I am high risk, for early labour, miscarriages and pregnancy problems. She said herself how very fortunate I am, and sometimes it is good to be reminded of that.
Parenting is sometimes really really hard, but I am so thankful for my 2 precious boys.
The first school year has flown so fast. Lightning has finished his reception year and will be starting year one in September. He has had lovely teachers this year, and I love how relaxed and playbased it has been, whilst at the same time he has learned such a lot. He has learned to read, to write, he has learned to cheerlead, and he has even been to the national schools cheerleading championship! He has become much more chatty, less shy and he has some lovely friends
Anyway that brings us to end of year presents. I wanted to make some bits for both his teachers, and this is what we made. He helped pick the fruit and make the jam, he weighed the ingredients for the fudge and stirred it as it cooled, he helped with the sewing and he painted them a card each.
Attempting your first sewing project with a headach, an overtired 5 year old 'helping' and a rather grumpy and loud 3 year old is not to be advised. However I had promised Lightning we could have a go after school as he is hugely excited by the whole thing, so here it is, my first attempt.
I have never crocheted an actual garment before, but I have a new niece on the way so here is my first attempt.
I'm one of those crafters who is forever starting new projects when I should be finishing others. So what is the last thing this crafter needs to do? I'll give you a clue.
There are few things lovelier then when you make something for someone and they are completely over the moon with it.
Yesterday I presented a little boy with a blanket for his 6th birthday. His reaction was so lovely, he would not be seperated from it and was full of grins and snuggles under it. Unfortunately I don't have any proper pictures of it as I finished sewing in all the ends while the boys were actually at the party! But the important thing is it was done in time to give him when they finished playing. So here is a picture the night before when the ends weren't all done, and a bit of a blurred picture of him with it.
Two posts in as many days, that makes a change! The past few weeks I have been trying to do more in the garden, it is a tiny little jungle but that is how I like it, although a few less weed would be a bit better. A new patio would be nice too, one without grass between the flags, and space for a greenhouse, but I am very grateful for the garden I have and all that it produces. It looks like I will have a good crop of fruit again this year, no late frosts meant the blossom did well and we should have masses of plums, damsons, currants, and hopefully loads of strawberries and raspberries too.
Today we went for a day out to the Derbyshire dales and the tiny village of Ilam, which I think is just over the border in Staffordshire . We went to the Dovedale fete which is one of those quaint little village fairs with cake sales, skittles, owls, face painting, a fell run, and a maypole, which we missed. Throw in a beer tent, a man with a guitar, a tombola, an ice cream van and a tea room and I'm sure you get the idea.
If you don't want wallowing or self pity I suggest this isn't the post for you. I just need to get my thoughts out somewhere.
Yesterday was my birthday, as an adult that doesn't really mean much unless it is a big one, and I must say I'm not one for massive dos even when it is a big birthday. However it had me thinking a lot, not about age or getting older, but about friends and people who were. I struggle a lot with friendships, I have been ditched so often. I'm not talking about the ones where things naturally drift, or your paths take different courses, that is just life. I'm talking about the ones who just stop returning your texts or emails, the ones who are suddenly never free, the ones where you have to do all the leg work. I actually prefered the one guy when we were 18 who had the guts to tell me he didn't want to be in touch any more. At least you know where you stand and can move on rather then just wondering what you did wrong and why I'm such a crappy person that people like to ditch.
I am struggling with feeling inadequate, in so many different areas of my life. I have some lovely friends, and a great bunch of old school friends, but there are some old friendships I'm still struggling over. The people I miss no longer exist, they have moved on and are very different people from the ones I knew most likely, just as I am a different person, so why does it still hurt so much sometimes? I think when I'm feeling stretched in other areas of my life a lot of old feelings rear their ugly head about me just being this dull but dependable person who isn't actually good enough but will always be there for you in a crisis.
I want to be enough, as a friend, a wife, a mother, a daughter. Yet this morning I sobbed in my 4 year olds arms as I can't let go infront of anyone else for the fear of being let down again. He does give the best cuddles, even when he's pushed me to the edge with sleep fight and refusal and shouted poo in my face one too many times for me to actually keep calm. I may not always be the best mummy, sometimes, especially with the elder, it is extremely hard work, but I'm so so glad I have them.
I heard back about the job yesterday, I didn't get it. It was for a breastfeeding support worker post, apparently 40 people applied and they only interviewed 7 of us. In good news though one of my friends did get it and she will be fantastic. I will be a member of the volunteer group though.
So what now? Just potter on as I did before I guess. I don't know where I am headed but we will just wait and see. I thought it was worth a try but oh well. I felt fine about it yesterday, today i feel a bit more upset. I think I am just in one of those stages of life where I feel like I am doing not enough and I'm struggling a bit.
I had an interview today. It is only for a part time job, 10-3 four days of the week, but this would be a big big change for me. I don't hear back until Thursday, so for now it is just waiting.
I wasn't intending to apply for a job just yet, but this was for a part time job I would love to do with great hours. I think it went ok, I feel happy, but I know there is stiff competition, and I know I fumbled a bit at times.
So wait wait wait.
So I'm here again, and this time it hasn't been too long. I have had not much brain power for my long term knitting projects, but crochet seems to be the thing of the moment. Quick basic things I can do whilst watching the winter Olympics. I love the Olympics, but it is a little disheartening watching the figure skating and seeing an astounding 15 year old and realising I am twice her age. I always wanted to be an ice dancer when I was a little girl.
Anyway back to the crochet. First a very quick shawl. I was off to a charity ball in aid of Mummy's star, a fabulous charity that supports people who are diagnosed with cancer during or shortly after pregnancy. I was a last minute replacement for someone who couldn't make it, so I found an outfit out from the back of the wardrobe but given it is February I needed something to cover my shoulders. This is yarn I have had for a long time, lined up for something else, but the tealy green perfectly matched the colour of my corset and so it was meant to be. A very quick one day project that now makes a lovely triangular scarf for every day.
I hadn't decided what to do with this blog, if anything, so it has sat here neglected for quite some while.
At the moment I feel like posting, so we will see what happens.
This morning was spent on a bit of a wander after the boys had been dropped at school. Happy feet has just started preschool so it gives me a couple of hours free every morning. I mean to spend them productively, so far they have mainly been spent in coffee shops and bed, but I have good intentions. This morning though I just went for a short walk while the weather was dry.
