In the jungle

Two posts in as many days, that makes a change!  The past few weeks I have been trying to do more in the garden, it is a tiny little jungle but that is how I like it, although a few less weed would be a bit better. A new patio would be nice too, one without grass between the flags, and space for a greenhouse, but I am very grateful for the garden I have and all that it produces. It looks like I will have a good crop of fruit again this year, no late frosts meant the blossom did well and we should have masses of plums, damsons, currants, and hopefully loads of strawberries and raspberries too.

Unfortunately my gooseberries have had one more the their last chance.  One of the bushes was dug up last year and the other is definitely going this year, maybe I need to try again but in a pot somewhere a bit more open, I think this was partly bad placing on my part.

I am also starting to branch out into flowers a bit more this past couple of years, so here are some of the current splashes of colour.

And as always the main thorn in my garden is the local cats, broken courgette plant today, dug up violas on sunday, and always replaced with poo. One day I will find a deterrent that really works! Until then I shall rant about them and the time and money they cost me.

Overall though I'm feeling really happy with my garden at the moment, and to make it better I have found a garden centre that sells the nicest banoffee pie I have ever tasted. So rambly post over, but that is just a taste of my rambly garden.

A day in the English countryside

Today we went for a day out to the Derbyshire dales and the tiny village of Ilam, which I think is just over the border in Staffordshire . We went to the Dovedale fete which is one of those quaint little village fairs with cake sales, skittles,  owls, face painting, a fell run, and a maypole, which we missed. Throw in a beer tent, a man with a guitar, a tombola, an ice cream van and a tea room and I'm sure you get the idea.

The main reason we headed over though was because I had read that one of my favourite artists,  Ann Marie Bone, was going to be there and selling some of her pieces at a very good price. So here is what we bought. The boys chose a small one each and I was just so taken with the big one we kind of splashed out.

We had a lovely day, we wandered around the church yard as well, hopefully next time we will have time to have a proper walk through the countryside too.

31

If you don't want wallowing or self pity I suggest this isn't the post for you. I just need to get my thoughts out somewhere.

 Yesterday was my birthday, as an adult that doesn't really mean much unless it is a big one, and I must say I'm not one for massive dos even when it is a big birthday. However it had me thinking a lot, not about age or getting older, but about friends and people who were. I struggle a lot with friendships, I have been ditched so often. I'm not talking about the ones where things naturally drift, or your paths take different courses, that is just life. I'm talking about the ones who just stop returning your texts or emails, the ones who are suddenly never free, the ones where you have to do all the leg work. I actually prefered the one guy when we were 18 who had the guts to tell me he didn't want to be in touch any more. At least you know where you stand and can move on rather then just wondering what you did wrong and why I'm such a crappy person that people like to ditch.

I am struggling with feeling inadequate, in so many different areas of my life. I have some lovely friends, and a great bunch of old school friends, but there are some old friendships I'm still struggling over. The people I miss no longer exist, they have moved on and are very different people from the ones I knew most likely, just as I am a different person, so why does it still hurt so much sometimes? I think when I'm feeling stretched in other areas of my life a lot of old feelings rear their ugly head about me just being this dull but dependable person who isn't actually good enough but will always be there for you in a crisis.

I want to be enough, as a friend, a wife, a mother, a daughter. Yet this morning I sobbed in my 4 year olds arms as I can't let go infront of anyone else for the fear of being let down again. He does give the best cuddles, even when he's pushed me to the edge with sleep fight and refusal and shouted poo in my face one too many times for me to actually keep calm. I may not always be the best mummy, sometimes, especially with the elder, it is extremely hard work, but I'm so so glad I have them.